Lin Mei is a well-respected Chinese language teacher in Yala City where she now lives with her husband and their only daughter. She teaches Chinese to children, young people and adults, including parents of her students. She is always busy. No matter how tired and stressed she is, Lin Mei is always warm and cheerful, with an infectious smile.

"I don’t think our stories are worth telling, what we have done so far is simply what we had to do, it was normal in those times.....The main thing about human relationships is the connection between the heart and soul both in individuals and between people. If we are good and sincere to others, they will be the same in return. If we are honest and genuine with people, we can make friends everywhere we go. "

I once asked her daughter where home is to her. She said quietly, "Home is where my parents are." Lin Mei’s husband was a student activist in Singapore like her. He was arrested and imprisoned in Malaysia for more than a decade. He was one of the last political detainees to be released in 1989 after the Peace Agreement. Since he is a Singaporean by birth, and Singapore was not party to the Peace Agreement between the CPM and the Malaysian government, he is still stateless today. Despite that, he has decided to join Lin Mei and their daughter in Southern Thailand so that the family is reunited after having been separated for more than 26 years. Lin Mei and her daughter were not always together either due to the circumstances of the CPM when they were in exile from Malaysia to Indonesia and when mother and daughter had to live in different parts of China.

School Days

Where shall I begin? Let us start in 1954. I was in the 3rdyear of secondary school, I was a good student in the eyes of our teachers. I studied hard and never did anything wrong. I returned home punctually after school everyday and helped my parents with housework and always did my homework. We lived very simply then, the environment we grew up in was much more basic than now. China had already been liberated – since 1949 – so we could get progressive literature from there. That was a great help! My family was very surprised when I became an activist. They thought that I must have been induced by someone into it. They did not think it was a bad thing though but it was just too different from their world. Initially, my family was reluctant to let me continue school because they think so long as a girl can read and write her name, that was good enough. But I insisted. I could continue my study because I got a bursary from my school. Because of this, I felt that it was my duty to do things for my school and classmates, to work for the common good.

The Yellow Incident

A Singaporean girl was raped and killed and we were told it was due to the influence of pornography. This led to the formation of the ‘anti-pornography’ or ’anti-yellow’ movement, in which I became very involved. As women, we cared more about the issue because we know it can happen to us anytime. The progressive movement began to take roots through this movement. I was introduced to more progressive books through this campaign. Apart from that, I led a very simple life, with only a few good friends. If I were asked to join school activities, I would. Otherwise, I spent my time giving tuition to my fellow students.

The students founded a mutual support association, which pooled money together to help poor students so that they can pay their fees, buy or borrow books. We collected old textbooks from the seniors and lent them to those juniors who could not afford them. The school was supportive of our initiative. Representatives from the group regularly visited needy students in their homes too.

The Anti-Military Service Movement

l really became active during the anti-military service campaign. The Lim Yew Hock government, which was a British stooge, imposed drafting of men at the age of 18 into the military. We were against it because we were concerned about our own brothers who had to join. Public opinion was against it because people saw it as a British plot to attack the CPM and we knew that the CPM was good for the people. By 1949, the government had banned the CPM and it was operating underground. We only knew them as ‘mountain rats’ who defended our country against the British and Japanese colonialism. We were against colonial oppression as students, so we wanted to support them. Singapore was not yet independent; Lim Yew Hock was governing Singapore under British rule. As juniors in school, we used to follow our seniors around; sang songs, held picnics in the countryside, attended discussions on social and political issues. Over time, we were asked to copy materials as a kind of training and initiation. I was very good at it, I used to copy small pamphlets and the others would bind them into booklets. The writing had to be small, neat and regular, like newspaper print. So I did a lot of copying work. I also helped develop the revolutionary consciousness of my classmates through discussions.

May 13th, 1954 was a unique day –it was the annual Inter-School Sports Day where students from all over Singapore gathered in the Sports Stadium to compete in different games. Half way through, some students rushed into the stadium shouting that the police had attacked students who were peacefully petitioning against the military drafting. We were asked to go and support them. When I got there, I was shocked by the sight of riot police with batons and anti-riot buses everywhere. I was so naive at that time, my spontaneous reaction was to assure my fellow students not to be afraid, as I believed that the police would not hurt us, they were supposed to protect us. You see, how all the government and school indoctrination came out in such a moment of crisis? We were not doing anything wrong, we were only supporting our seniors by singing songs and watching the petitioners. But soon enough the batons came slamming down on my classmates around me. We all started running. That was the first time the anti-riot squad was used against the students. I saw it with my own eyes. As soon as the batons hit them, the female students started crying and running away. I was not hit though. I ran all the way home. The next day in class, everybody was excitedly discussing the incident. The police reaction made me realize that they are only tools to protect the interests of the ruling class!

Formation of the National Federation of Chinese High School Student Unions

We all felt that there was a need for such a national body to represent the students so we applied for its registration. Almost all Chinese secondary school students were members; many came from my school too. My school elected 20 representatives into the Federation and I was one of them. Our job was to liaise with the different schools and student unions to hold meetings and carry out tasks, such as taking care of matters within our schools and coordinating external relations. The federation appealed to the government to postpone compulsory military service until students had completed their study. Some students were arrested and charged in court after the demonstration of May 13th. So the Federation helped with finding lawyers and mobilising students to join the court hearing to support the student leaders. Lee Kuan Yew who later became Singapore’s first Prime Minister in 1965, then a young lawyer who had just graduated from Cambridge University in the United Kingdom, was one of our defence lawyers. We trusted and looked up to him then because he was supportive of us. We were so naïve about him.

Later on, labour unrest erupted; workers went on strikes for higher wages and better working conditions. We mobilised the students to sing and dance at the workers’ rallies and to raise funds for the strikes. There were many industrial actions at that time. We would often join the workers’rallies after school. I never assumed a high public profile; I always stayed in the background to do the day-to-day work.

During our graduation ceremony, we wanted to sing progressive songs but all scripts and songs for public performances had to pass through government censorship. So we sent our lyrics to the Education Bureau for approval but boldly altered the lyrics just before the performance, so that the school authorities and teachers could not stop us. I don’t know why we were so daring then, it was very risky, we could have been jailed for that.

Solidarity with Workers and Farmers

As my family was poor, my heart has always been with the workers and peasants who shared my conditions, so when I was asked to teach at a workers’night school, I readily agreed. I taught in literacy classes, my students were both male and female workers. To us, it is progressive to be close to workers and farmers. The workers paid me for my teaching and I used this money to pay for my other activist work. It was something to be proud of. By then, I was a member of one of the underground cell groups of the "Anti-British League" (ABL). We were three in a cell. We were given progressive literature about current affairs and anti-colonial struggles to read. We read the underground newspaper of the CPM called: The Freedom Daily too. Even though we were poor, I willingly donated money to that newspaper. By this time, my schoolwork was deteriorating. All my energy and attention was devoted to the movement. Even my health was deteriorating because of lack of nutrition. Nevertheless, I was excited, I felt my life was meaningful and had a purpose.

The government finally closed down the Student Federation amidst our protests. Parents were organized into an alliance to support us. One day, we were told to gather at the Chinese High School campus. The rally was to fight for the postponement of national service. Little did I know that I would not return home until many days after.

The Mass Student Rally

I panicked because it was unlike me not to inform my parents. The police surrounded us as soon as we assembled there. Farmers came to support us. They brought us food, vegetables and rice everyday. There were at least a thousand students altogether. We slept in the big assembly hall and classrooms. We were very well organized. We formed different committees to take care of different aspects of our daily lives and struggles. I was in-charge of Parents-relations, my task is to explain and convince the parents about what we were doing. Most of them were supportive of our cause, even though a few had insisted of bringing their children home. My parents panicked when they did not hear from me for 3 days. They searched for news in the newspapers and realised that I might be in the students’rally. It was very difficult for my mother; she walked a long way to come to see me from home. When she saw me, she was already in tears, scolding me at the same time for not informing them about my whereabouts. Fortunately, she was very understanding, she did not persuade me to go home. She went home alone, still in tears. It was a collective thing, I could not just leave.

Those days we spent occupying the school were rich and meaningful. We spent time singing, dancing, telling stories and even role-playing scenes of police beating the students on the May 13th rally. We were well organized and well disciplined. Everyone tried to take care of one another; our seniors were good leaders and organizers. They made sure that our daily life went smoothly and easily even though we were massive. Our morale was high. The workers came to support us too, donating money, food, vegetables etc. We were so touched. Suddenly, we seemed to understand many things and we grew up instantly. We learnt about colonialism and the need to struggle against it. It was a politicising experience. We realised that we could become strong if we were united. We occupied the school for at least 20 days.

However, on the last day of our occupation, we were beaten and tear-gassed by the riot police, many people were injured. It was the first time I experienced tear gas. The police broke all the windows so that they can fire tear gas at us. Some students started screaming, tears streaming down our faces. There was this sharp, biting sensation on our faces and hands. We were choking and our noses were dripping. Our bodies felt like they were on fire. We had no choice but to rush out of the hall where we had gathered. We were forcefully dispersed by the police and had to evacuate from the school. Many of us walked all the way home and along the way, supportive parents came out with buckets of water, so that we could wash our faces. Some of us continued to sing as we walked while the police continued to chase us from behind, beating us as we dispersed. Things in school were never the same from that day onwards. The students became more restless and more and more activities were organized to support other sectors of the society. We raised funds for farmers who suffered a flood and had lost all their harvests. We supported the workers in their strikes too. When the government finally banned our Federation, our Parents’ Alliance took over the campaigns instead. From that point on, we had become illegal and I was told to leave home immediately. That was how I became an exile, living far away from my family even till this day.

No Farewell

I was still carrying my school bag with me when I left, without telling my parents. I did not say goodbye properly to them and I had no change of clothes on me. I did not expect it to be like this, little did I know that I was leaving home for good. I thought that my disappearance would only be temporary. When the tension subsided, I would return home and go back to school like before. It was very long after when I could contact my family again. We had to meet secretly in different places in Singapore. I finally left Singapore following the 2nd February 1963 incident after Lee Kuan Yew came to power. There were mass arrests on that day under the Internal Security Act, people from all walks of life were detained including students, workers, trade union leaders, farmers, professionals and opposition politicians. Thinking back, we mobilized the people to vote for the People’s Action Party (PAP) during the General Election. We were supportive of both Lee Kuan Yew and the trade unionist, Lim Chin Siong. Lim Chin Siong was arrested on that day, as well as many of my friends. Those of us who were not yet exposed had to go underground immediately. Not long after that, the ABL was disbanded and we had to escape en masse to Indonesia. Our intention was to eventually return to Malaysia to join the CPM guerrilla army in the jungle.

During our hiding in Singapore, we lived in a rural area, living with a farmer’s family. This was in 1957. We taught literacy to the villagers. Most farmers’ families need at least the head of the family to be in paid employment in the city to make ends meet, while the other family members continued to farm. So it was not always clear if they were workers or farmers, usually they were both. We also taught housewives to raise their political consciousness. The farmers were generally sympathetic to us. These villagers were not party members but sympathizers. They saw us as students who were oppressed by the government. We also trained ourselves in hard labour by joining them in farm work.

Women’s work was done both inside and outside the house. The men hardly did any housework. They would come home from the farm and relax in the evening, drank their tea, chat and read newspapers. Whilst the women still had to cook, take care of the children and did the household chores even after a day out in the farm. So we tried to share our opinions about gender equality informally with the women when we worked with them. We could feel the difference between those we tried to organize and ourselves. There was more equality between us. Both male and female comrades had to work equally hard, and male comrades had to helpwith housework. Our sentiment then was we should work to our last drop of strength even if we would collapse and die in the end.

Marriage and Motherhood

My husband and I met each other during our underground days. We got married maybe in 1961, we engraved our wedding dates on two pens which we kept close to us, so that even if we were apart, we could still keep each other in our hearts. I still have my pen but his was taken away when he was arrested in 1976. We were not together when he was caught. In 1963, we escaped together to Indonesia to avoid arrest and our daughter was born 2 years later. Then the party sent him back to Singapore to work while I stayed behind with our newborn. When Singapore was no longer safe for him, he went on to Malaysia where he remained underground for 10 years before he was caught. He was in prison for 13 years.

My daughter was sent to China when she turned five so that I can become active again. She was such a skinny and sickly child and I was sickly myself too. Because our conditions as exiles in Indonesia was not good, I could not take good care of her. The day our children had to leave for China, I told my daughter not to miss me. They went as a group, none of them cried but my clever daughter kissed me goodbye discreetly on my cheek. It was very difficult for female comrades to hold out and persevere under such harsh conditions. As women, we not only had to take care of our own safety, we were also equally responsible for the safety of our collective like the men. Moreover, we still had to face the internal contradictions and conflicts within us as women as well as between comrades. I only met my daughter again after the party sent me to China, to take care of our comrades’ children there. My daughter refused to call me ‘Mother’ at first and continued to call me ‘Auntie’ like the other children until much later.

Exiles in Indonesia

After we landed in Indonesia, we have always thought we would eventually return to Singapore to continue our underground work or join the guerrillas at the Malaysian border. While buying our time, we lived and worked like any other Indonesians, with the women staying at home as housewives and the men going to work in the newspapers or as fishermen. We also ran a grocery store and appeared like a big extended family to the outsiders. Our food was rationed including sugar; we could only have rice, tapioca and sweet potatoeseveryday.

Black October 1965

The Indonesian Communist Party (PKI), was defeated and brutally suppressed in a coup d’ etat by military General Suharto on 30thSeptember 1965 The military dictator, Suharto remained in power with the support of ISA until the 1990s. . We were prepared to take up arms and fight alongside the PKI. It was a dangerous time, mobs were killing anyone suspected as communists everywhere. People were killed simply by guilt of association. The PKI was very confident before the coup that they would assume political power one day as many army personnel were on their side and they had mass support from the rural areas. So they concentrated their effort on parliamentary struggles. Therefore, they were not prepared for armed struggle at all. It was a very frightening time; you could just be talking with a friend in the street and suddenly, everybody would be running away for their lives. When the PKI was strong, we could sing any revolutionary or leftist songs and watch progressive films from Communist China. However, when Suharto declared Martial Law and took control of the country, so many people were arrested and killed that this period was known as the Black October. The witch-hunt for the communist and their sympathizers have led to an estimated of more than a million people massacred, many of them were Chinese, leftists and Indonesian dissidents. We had to retreat totally into the rural areas and lived collectively as farmers and fishermen. We survived and carried on our work and beliefs, preparing to join the guerrilla one day. We could no longer speak Mandarin openly and had to be very careful when going out. There were informers everywhere. Chinese were insulted as ‘Cina’, which was a derogatory word. All our children had to be sent to China for their safety.

The Cultural Revolution

We were very much influenced by the Chinese Cultural Revolution in 1966. Some of us were more fanatical than others. We were told not to mind dirt, bad odours or hard labour. So those of us who were from the city and were educated,were seen as not revolutionary enough. As the intellectuals in the movement, we were criticised heavily like in China then. Radicalism and political correctness went to the extreme. In order not to give my comrades the excuse that I was spoiled, snobbish and weak, I did whatever they did without complain. I do not admit defeat. If I was injured or fell ill, I would struggle on by popping painkillers or apply acupuncture on myself.

Settling down in Yala

After so many years, I can finally say to myself that I have a place called "my home" now. We did not have one after we got married until now. We applied to return to Malaysia as a family but were rejected. So we had to resign to living the rest of our lives as exiles here in Thailand. I do not regret my decision of joining the movement; I have had some very rich and extraordinary experiences. It was meaningful work what we did even though some people may not see it that way. I have changed through joining the movement; my sisters who are not activists are very different. As activists, we learnt to become more broad-minded and openhearted. We no longer confine ourselves to our individual problems. We think about the other people and try our best to help others. My social skills were honed through activism; we learn to be warm and approachable to others. In the movement, you think about changing your society, there is a sense of mission. You feel responsible. I always remind myself that I am a member of the party so I have to protect its credibility and fulfil my duties to the best of my abilities. Our experience in the movement also helped us to become strong, to withstand criticism, to be humble and to be ready to change ourselves for the better.